Monday, August 13, 2012

unknown birthfamily showing up at our doorstep - Adoption.com ...

We just got a knock at the door today from our oldest sons birthfamily that we never knew even existed. We adopted through fostercare and only had a small amount of contact with his maternal birth grandmother and cousin but that was many years ago.

Our son is now 12 and his 34 year old birth sister and her 14 year old son showed up at our door. There is a family resemblance and the name and story of her father and how he died matches that, which we knew of his birthfather.

She seemed very friendly and happy to see him. My son was so excited to find out he had family he never heard about and to learn that he was an uncle. The boys had fun wrestling around pretending like they were playing football and i could tell that his sister had really cared a lot about him. The last time she saw him he was only a year old.

While it was very nice and we are excited to get to know her, it was a bit suprising for her to just show up unannounced at our doorstep. She had just been given our address from our sons grandma and decided to just drop by to try and see where we lived and if she could speak with us. It is a little unsettling though to have such a shock out of the blue, without any kind of communication or notice before hand.

After she left all of our children had a bit of a hard time processing it all. Especially my younger son who's birth mother had just passed away and whose funeral we just attended earlier this week. As well as my daughter who I had just had a long discussion with her about her birthfamily earlier today and how our relationship had always been so difficult and how I know how much she is hurting that its been over 3 1/2 months since both she and I had written her and we still had not heard back from her.

Infact I had stayed up late the night before stressing over the relationship we had tried to have with our oldest dd's birthfamily and woke my hubby up to talk about it at 2:30 that night when I finally rolled into bed.

With everything that's happening with our kids birthfamilies having her show up unannounced and uninvited, even though it was great news was just a bit much for us.

Our home has always been a place of refuge for us. When we do have visits with birthfamily we typically meet at a neutral place. It almost feels like a breach of privacy. It was a good meeting and conversation so I feel torn knowing she had only good intentions, but in my head I just think "that's not just something you do, just show up at someone's door step", especially when there is still a minor involved.

I understand she was excited having just received our address, and I'm sure the bio-grandma didn't give it to her knowing she would just come to our door.

To top it off when she was about to leave her son began turning as white as a ghost and he started stumbling a little. We watched as she helped him to the car to see how he was doing. She turned on the air, and we got him a bottle of water. It was scary. I was worried that maybe he had some sort of condition or that maybe he got hurt while they were playing around,, but she said she had never seen him like that, so we suspected maybe he was getting a bit of heat stroke. The wierd thing is that even though he was wrestling around a little with my son it really wasn't too terribly hot outside and he didn't seem like he had exhorted himself that much to have that kind of reaction. So , I'm not sure what that was all about.

Anyways, still trying to process everything.

Source: http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-support/406713-unknown-birthfamily-showing-up-our-doorstep.html

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